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Once upon a time there was a cute little T-bone named Steak.

Steak was fresh to the world. He came from the Prime lineage and had unlimited potential on what he could become.

hi. I'm not delicious yet.

hi. I’m not delicious yet.

He could have taken Japanese classes and grown into a tasty Teriyaki-San, with a nice surprise kick at the end.


Sweep the leg. You’re the best around.

He could have taken Salsa lessons with Señor Pepper and turned into one smokin’ hot fajita.


Bailamos! Let the rhythm take you over Bailamos!

He also could have taken the easy way out and followed the mindless path 9/10 steaks take to A.1. School.


“A.1.– for all those steaks who were overcooked in their youth and never tried to make it into culinary school.

Instead Steak was smothered by his overprotective step-mother Rosemary.

She wouldn’t let him do anything.

She was afraid that Steak would get burned later in life and be responsible for cancer, heart attacks, and other murderous acts.


You don’t want any beef with this mofo.

Rosemary knew that the only way to protect Steak from the allure of the infamous Carcinogen Gang was if she rubbed off on him.

Agents of Death

Agents of Death

Only by drilling her rosmarinic acid and carnosic acid antioxidant wisdom into Steak until it became a part of his DNA, could her antioxidants fully shield him from the peer pressure of the Carcinogen Gang, especially when things got really heated.

Rosemary was determined to raise Steak unlike other beef to save him from falling to the Dark (and crispy) Side.

So she did what any obsessively-worrying mother would do.

Steak was homeschooled. Read the rest of this entry »

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