Continued from Part 3

Step 4. Self-love

When dealing with emotional pain, we tend to teeter from blaming others to self-blame. We tell ourselves things like “Why was I so dumb to let that happen?” “Why did/didn’t I do that?” “What’s wrong with me?!”

UCB-fail (1)Every experience with failure, whether from work or relationships, creates vulnerability to negative self-talk. Failures are failed expectations. Expectations arise from having a personal attachment to the outcome. So, when things don’t turn out the way that we want, it becomes easy to start crushing our self-worth and doubting ourselves.

Only self-love can shield you from a stream of self-hating thoughts. Even if you are showered with abundant love and support from others during your time of need, the strength of your self-esteem still comes down to what you belief about yourself. The greater the self-love you possess, the more you will be unfazed by the difficulties life throws at you.

Self-love is a knowingness, meaning that you know and accept the totality of who you are. Unconditional self-love leads to an oneness with yourself, allowing you to be authentically you. To have knowingness of oneself eliminates doubt. Doubt is the small hole in the protective wall of your mind that allows negativity to enter and establish permanent residence there.

If you can imagine your mind as a pie chart, whatever percentage not occupied by positive or neutral thoughts, must allow for the presence of negative thought.

MindpiechartThoughts and beliefs of self-worth operate in the same way. As we learn to love ourselves the positive thoughts form into belief until those beliefs become so dominant in the mind that they transform into knowingness. Constantly working towards this goal of unconditional self-love is how to build immunity to negative thought and doubt.

When you know who you are and can grasp your immense value, it becomes impossible for the negative talk to have any influence, regardless of how tempting or appealing the negative mind’s logic may seem.

Start from where you are now. Decide to have a willingness to start loving yourself more without judgment. It is difficult to jump from self-hatred to unconditional self-love, but by simply making the decision to have the willingness to grow in this way, you will start to experience subtle changes immediately. The Universe can only begin to help heal your mind when YOU decide that you are ready for healing and willing to let the past go completely.

Some actions that will help:

  • Make eye contact with yourself when in front of the mirror. Notice if any judgmental thoughts pop up. Gently replace those thoughts with loving thoughts, or completely ignore them. If strong self-hating thoughts persist, remember that you do not hate yourself now. You are hating your past actions. Right now, you’re probably just brushing your teeth in a very non-evil manner. Convince yourself of this truth that in this moment, you have the freedom to start anew. In reality, this moment is independent from all other moments and therefore you deserve infinite second chances.mirror_pugs_poster-r2c4085e81da54223bbe1eb4cfb129d65_tgs_8byvr_512
  • Constant positive self talk. You need to talk to yourself like you’re a baby… all the time. Be gentle. Be understanding. Be forgiving. Give yourself constant praise. Remember the Hall of Gratuitous Praise in Sabrina the Teenage Witch? Be like that.
  • Create a list of things you are truly grateful for, and put it somewhere where you will see it everyday.

Continue to Part 5.

Photo Sources:1, 2, 3