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They say that it takes at least a year to heal from serious heartbreak.

I’ve found this to be true… but only initially.

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Recovering from my first long-term relationship was rough. Like most people suffering from heartbreak, I carelessly allowed my imagination to spiral out of control. My mind would create hurtful thoughts that were never based on facts, but on pure speculation. For example, if a picture of the ex with some new guy popped up on Facebook, my mind would instantly trigger jealous thoughts and begin to dream up scenarios of what could have been going on behind my back. Life loses its magic when your own mind starts cutting you down.

Our minds truly are double-edged swords. During happy times, it will make you believe that you’re an invincible king, but when disappointment shows up, it will backstab you with doubt, unnecessary suffering and self-hatred. Clearly, our minds are not always acting in our best interest, so it’s a good idea to not attach your identity to it. The good news is that we are not at the mercy of our minds, but rather, it is at the mercy of our will and attention. We are always free to let go of old, destructive belief systems and replace them with positive ones that will help us grow. Although most people operate on thought-autopilot, we are actually in full control because only we can choose where we place our mind’s focus. Our minds can only create painful thoughts and a negative reality when we give it the fuel and permission to do so.

Disney-Cartoon-Mickey-Mouse-Wallpapers33-236x300A heartbroken person is not in balance mentally and emotionally, and this often leads to a weakened grip on reality. Even the most optimistic person can suddenly find himself in a seemingly unshakable world of fear and depression.

The pain and fear that arises from loss will begin to dominate thoughts and feelings. Repeated thoughts supported by matching emotions form beliefs. Beliefs shape our perception, and in this case, it can create a shift from one’s normal filter of the world towards a more negative one.

Most people find themselves in this depressed/cynical state for some time because they unconsciously sabotage their own healing process by developing identification with the heartbreak. It becomes easy to accept the role of a victim and to constantly seek sympathy, which sadly only reinforces more attachment to this state of mind. In some cases, the attachment to this new identity is so strong that it leads to a continual craving for emotional pain to uphold the newly accepted reality—hence the existence of emo people and bitter, cold-hearted folk.

I’m here to say that it does not have to be this way. COMPLETE HEALING CAN HAPPEN IN AN INSTANT. I’m dead serious. And I’m not talking about hypnosis or some delusional temporary high that you might get from forcing a smile and mumbling to yourself over and over again “I’m fine, I’m happy… everything is going to be ok… I’m happy…” like a madman.

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Everything is going to be juust fine.

I know this type of healing is real because I’ve experienced an instantaneous transcendence of heavy emotional baggage. Twice.

Where The Pain Comes From

First, let’s break things down and identify the problem clearly. If you take a closer look, the emotional and psychological pain from a breakup or almost all other emotional pain arises from our attachment to

1) How things used to be (clinging to the past)

2) How we wish things could have been (perceived loss/longing for a false future reality)

3) Dwelling on what we could have done to save the relationship (guilt/self-judgment/self-hatred)

4) Exaggerated pessimism of the future based on current circumstances (irrational fear)

By investigating the source of emotional pain it’s evident that it is caused by fear, denial of reality, and a lack of self-love.

How to Heal

Step 1. Let go of the past by living in the present.

Dwelling on how good things used to be and comparing it to now, means that your mind is currently residing in the past. The past is not real anymore and cannot be brought back. You can only experience life in the present moment. By finding presence, your mind is fully reigned back into this NOW moment. As you stay here, you free yourself from the shackles of the past, and healing can begin.

Returning to the present is also the cure for longing for how things could have been. Thoughts of the past or the future hold no power in the present because both the past and future don’t really exist. We only make them real in our minds. The past is a highly subjective memory that changes over time, while the future is pure imagination. Let go by not allowing your mind to wander. You are the only one in control of your thoughts.

Continue to Part 2.

Photo Sources: 1, 2, 3

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